This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
