Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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