her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
