Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
