Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She even gives head with a lisp.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize