there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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