its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
