I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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