They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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