I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
