Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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