Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
