Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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