My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You ate ashes out of my bong
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
