I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
