You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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