how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize