he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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