He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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