I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ugly people sure do ruin things
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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