New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
