Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Someone shattered a urinal.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
