How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
