So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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