Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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