he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
