We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize