Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
