it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
