I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize