i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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