I just threw up on my dentist
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
