I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
