Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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