Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
