The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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