Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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