fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
