oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
