'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
