He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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