There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Randomize
