It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
