She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
