How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
