I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
