I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
