around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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