how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
