He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
