He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
