My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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