I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
