I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
