This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
