Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
