she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
