Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize