Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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