you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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