I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
