life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize