it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
