I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
