You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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