R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
